


White Clover

by NanakiBH



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Emotionally Repressed, Light Angst, M/M, Soulmates, Speculation, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: With a little luck, the things that are lost can be found again. Sometimes, they'll reappear as if they were never gone.
Relationships: Demyx/Xigbar (Kingdom Hearts), Luxu/Master of Masters (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	White Clover

**Author's Note:**

> *cries over Agito* Confidence that Demyx is MoM... 1000%...
> 
> I may have shamelessly taken the idea for this from [this Agito scene](https://nanakibh.tumblr.com/post/628544123087077376/four-leaf-clover-setting-terrace-jack-ah), but I'm pretty sure Nomura copied it first, so you can't blame me.
> 
> Takes place sometime during Days, probably. But it's set in Corona. Because I wanted it to be set in Corona. Does that make sense? I'm not sure. Doesn't matter. It's what we're doing.

“So what's this place called, again?”

“The Kingdom of Corona,” Xigbar answered.

His feet slowed as Demyx jogged ahead.

He was looking a little livelier than usual, like a kid on a field trip who was excited about being in a new place. Xigbar had been to that world before, of course, at many times in many versions of the world when he went by many other names. The place still looked the same to him, so he couldn't personally muster the same level of enthusiasm.

Watching Demyx, though, he could almost remember what it felt like. In the beginning, everything had excited him, too.

Eventually, Demyx came to a stop up ahead, his hands on his hips, feet apart. He looked back over his shoulder with a big, stupid grin.

“I like it here!”

“Do you? It's just a forest. We aren't even near the town.”

“Well, yeah...” Nothing changed about his smile, but Xigbar thought there was something strange about his eyes. For a moment, the light seemed to fade from them, turning them cold and deep. “I think that's why I like it. It's quiet here. Nothing but trees and flowers. I could play my sitar in peace without anyone yelling at me.”

No people, in other words.

Demyx was a hard one to understand. While everyone else had immediately formed an opinion of him, Xigbar still wasn't sure what to make of him.

Where he came from... Why Xemnas had an interest in him...

It was a mystery.

Even Demyx didn't seem to truly understand what he was doing with them. Whether it even bothered him was yet another mystery. He seemed to go with the flow, acting like everything was just _whatever_. As long as he could relax and play his sitar, he was happy. That was probably the only thing Xigbar could be sure of about him.

Despite being the lowest on the food chain, he had the self-assuredness of someone who was at the top. Or maybe he was just oblivious. Either way, he treated everyone the same, regardless of their rank. Whether it was Xemnas or Roxas, it didn't matter.

He couldn't say that Demyx didn't respect anyone, though – because, for some reason, Demyx seemed to be fond of him.

But why...?

“Xiggy.”

Xigbar nearly jumped. He'd gotten so lost in thought, he was surprised to find Demyx standing right in front of him.

His eyelids were already half-closed and he seemed to be having trouble keeping them open.

“Let me guess. You want me to handle everything so you can slack off again?”

“I can't help it... It's really comfortable here. The temperature's just warm enough to make me feel sleepy, and there are so many places that look like good spots for a nap.” He came a step closer, over the distance other people rarely dared to cross. With a quiet, tired sigh, Demyx leaned his weight against him, his forehead dropping to Xigbar's shoulder where his eyes couldn't be seen as he spoke. “I don't wanna fight... Don't make me fight.”

For someone who was regularly so over-the-top, the complete lack of emotion in his voice sounded strange – almost unsettling.

From the start, Xemnas told them that Nobodies couldn't feel emotions. Xigbar recognized that for the nonsense that it was, but the others seemed to believe it – or, at least, they pretended to believe it so they could use it as an excuse to ignore the feelings they didn't want to face. But, Demyx... Sometimes, in that sense, Xigbar thought he might've been the only real Nobody among them.

It was no wonder he was always looking for a break. If the emotions he displayed weren't real, then it had to be tiring, pretending all the time.

There was something sort of intimate about the fact that he was being allowed to witness that stoic side of him. It wasn't attractive. It may have even been somewhat frightening in its strangeness, but it clearly took a lot of strength and vulnerability for him to reveal that side of himself.

It felt like he was being asked to hold him. Or maybe he was being allowed.

The intention didn't really matter, Xigbar decided. It felt good to hold him.

“You're gonna owe me.”

“I know.”

That was what he always said. He never made any promises, just accepted that his debt was growing. It was barely anything, but it was still more than what Demyx gave the others, which was nothing.

Each time Demyx asked him for something, his voice carried a hint of apology, like he regretted burdening him in a way that didn't even cross his mind when it came to the way he used the others.

Or maybe he was just hearing things...

His emotions, his expressions, even his voice... It was all like a mirage; a trick of the light, an unreliable image wavering in the distance.

But something about him had to be real. He was holding him, wasn't he?

He felt warm. Nostalgic.

Nostalgic?

“Eheheh... It's not like I'm not enjoying this, but shouldn't you get going? I don't wanna keep you from working.” Placing his hands on Xigbar's chest, Demyx gently separated them and took a step back. The little bit of redness in his cheeks certainly looked real enough... Xigbar was sure that wasn't just his imagination.

He reached out to hold Demyx's face and leaned in one more time to kiss him. He just wanted to see his reaction, but he ended up lingering for a second longer than he originally intended. Then that second turned into two, then three... Somehow, he always forgot how smooth his cheeks felt and how soft his lips were.

It took more effort than he expected to pull himself away that time.

“W-wow...,” Demyx mumbled, bashfully scratching his cheek. “What's up? Would you rather blow off work and hang with me or something? You're acting kinda different.”

“As if... One of us has to do the mission, so I'll take care of it.” He patted Demyx on the shoulder with a smirk. “Go find the most comfortable spot and I'll come join you when I'm finished. How 'bout that?”

“Oh, now that's a job I can do! Leave it to me~”

It was good to hear his lively voice again. Although nothing about him was right, anything else felt wrong. It had to be fake, but when Xigbar considered the alternative, he wasn't sure he wanted to do anything about it. It wasn't like Demyx was hurting anyone. If he questioned his behavior, he got the feeling that Demyx would've acted like he was imagining things. And, in the unlikely scenario that he actually got him to talk about it, he was kind of afraid of knowing the truth, afraid of being unable to look away from the reality.

The Master once told him that everyone had their own, unique perception of reality. There were no two people who saw the world the same way.

As he got older, he realized that the Master may have meant that in a far more literal way than it first sounded.

So what did that say about the person in front of him who seemed to change every time he looked at him...?

He was lazy, right? An idiot?

That was the version of reality Demyx was offering. It was probably the easiest to digest. In lieu of the truth, Xigbar wondered if he should just accept what he was being shown like everyone else – but even if he did, he knew that his perception would have always held an asterisk. He never would've been able to get angry at him like Larxene or laugh at him like Axel.

He wanted to laugh with him.

If he didn't...

“Well. I'm off,” he said, silencing his thoughts. “Have a nice break.”

“Aw, thanks~ I will!”

Even a fake smile was better than a frown, right? He couldn't remember if the Master had ever said anything like that, but it sounded like something he would've said.

He watched as Demyx bounced away to find the spot where he'd relax. It looked like he must've already decided where he was going because he started making a beeline in one direction. Once he was out of sight, Xigbar turned and headed deeper into the forest where the light was hidden by dense foliage.

It wasn't hard to complete the mission by himself. He probably could've gotten it done faster with a keyblade, but he'd become fairly adept at using other types of weapons, as well. Unlike modern keyblade wielders, he and the other Foretellers had been trained to overcome every type of situation, with or without a keyblade.

Destroy and survive. Those were the principles they were taught.

The Master treated his keyblade as a weapon for eradicating darkness. It was only drawn for that purpose. Despite how his behavior made him seem otherwise, he was disciplined in that regard.

Over the years, Xigbar had acquired as taste for toying with his enemies in a way the Master probably wouldn't have approved of. Playing around would leave openings for the enemy to exploit. _“Are you trying to get yourself killed?!”_ he would've said while frowning and shaking his fists.

Hearing Demyx's apologetic voice at the back of his mind, he decided to fight a little more cautiously.

The Heartless of Corona were pretty good at camouflaging themselves in the surroundings. If he wanted to get the jump on them before they got the jump on him, then taking it slow was actually the smartest way to go. He would've preferred to finish the work quickly, but taking it easy wasn't so bad. By the time he was done, he realized that he hadn't even broken a sweat.

He was in a good mood on his walk back through the forest.

If finding the Heartless was difficult, then finding Demyx was probably going to be equally hard, but Xigbar wasn't in any rush. He knew that Demyx would appreciate the few extra minutes it would take for him to find him.

Unable to hear the sound of his sitar, he wondered if he was actually going in the wrong direction, but it wasn't much longer until he discovered what became of him.

In a small clearing near a pond of clear, glistening water, he found Demyx sleeping on his side in a bed of clover. The light from between the leaves gently touched his cheek and made his blond hair glow a more golden color, making his silly hairstyle almost look like a crown on his head.

Looking down at the kid, Xigbar couldn't help but smile. It was just like him to gravitate toward a place where he could be near water.

When he approached, something compelled him to bend down and pick one of the clovers.

Four leaves...

He remembered.

The Master's favorite spot was on a grassy hill outside of Daybreak Town. From that spot, the whole town could be seen. Xigbar still remembered how annoyed it made him when his pants would get wet from sitting in the damp grass. Not that he ever voiced his annoyance out loud, though; the Master enjoyed it there, so he didn't want to ruin the mood. The grass was soft, at least... Probably because of all the clover.

He thought that four-leaf clovers were supposed to be rare, but after that, he started noticing them everywhere; in his pockets, on his pillow, pressed neatly into the folded shopping lists the Master gave him when he sent him on errands...

_“They're supposed to be good luck! It'll keep you safe when I'm not with you~”_

He couldn't bring himself to ask him why he'd said that. A part of him already knew, and it was made true when he found himself alone, holding the crumbled remains of one of the dried four-leaf clovers in his hand.

Like his time with the Master, such fragile things couldn't last.

_“After they've been picked, clovers wither and die quickly. When that happens, I'll give you a new one~”_

He'd wandered for years with the dust of a clover in his pocket until even the dust disappeared. He held onto it for so long, hoping that he'd receive a replacement for it. A part of him kept hoping that he'd mysteriously find a new one in his pocket and turn around to find the Master standing there.

But that never happened. And eventually, the memory crumbled into dust, too.

He really had to be getting closer, remembering something like that all of sudden...

As he looked around, he realized--

“There's so many...”

There were four-leaf clovers everywhere. It was a whole patch of them – enough to make up for all the many he probably would've received if the Master had still been there with him.

And there was Demyx laying right in the middle of them like some kind of flourishing little weed.

Well, he told Demyx that he would come join him when he was finished, so– He laid down behind him and carefully wrapped an arm around his waist. Demyx was so deep in sleep, he didn't even stir. It really was the most comfortable spot he could've found. Xigbar found the dampness of the ground annoying, but Demyx looked like he was fine with it, so he wasn't going to complain.

He propped himself up on an elbow and rested his cheek in his palm so he could keep watching him without getting back up.

“I wonder if this is another one of your jokes...,” he said quietly, talking to no one. “You always did have such an incomprehensible sense of humor...”

Demyx's face was expressionless. Like the still, sparkling pond nearby, there wasn't a trace of any disturbances.

Was he dreaming? Nobodies could have dreams. But without a heart, Xigbar regrettably couldn't dive inside to find out what he was dreaming about.

Demyx's heart and mind were somewhere else. When he was asleep, the form he left behind was nothing – just the empty outer shell of a person. Maybe he wasn't dreaming at all... In that case, maybe he was nowhere.

There was the softest exhale as Demyx turned over. His eyelids fluttered and his chin lifted slightly as he looked up.

“Are you back?” Xigbar asked. He lifted his hand to touch his cheek. When he did, Demyx's eyes closed again and his head comfortably sank back down to the soft clover. “Not yet, huh?”

He'd come back eventually, once he was satisfied with his break.

A break... That sounded good, Xigbar thought. He'd been through so much. He was impossibly tired and no one knew. The only one who could even possibly perceive the depth of his ordeal was the Master; he'd probably seen the war repeat itself and bring about the end of the world even more times than he had. No matter how tired he was, the Master had to be infinitely more exhausted.

The Master always acted cheerful and easygoing, but...

Xigbar glanced down, realizing that Demyx had curled himself up even closer to his side.

It could've just been his eye playing tricks on him again, but he thought he saw the smallest hint of a frown on his face. Without thinking, he shook Demyx's shoulder. He instantly opened his eyes with a startled breath.

There was no way to describe the way Demyx looked when he looked up at him. It was like he was trapped between two emotions without a way to express either of them, the result being a strange half-expression that no person could have consciously recreated. But, when he finally smiled, he looked relieved.

“X-Xiggy...”

“What's up, kid? Had a bad dream?”

“No... I don't think I was dreaming.” After a thoughtful moment's pause, he rolled over and laid on his back, folding his hands over his stomach. “You know when you're kinda half-asleep and your thoughts just start playing by themselves? It was like I was suddenly thinking somebody else's thoughts. It was all mixed up and didn't make any sense.”

“Maybe you were remembering something.”

He didn't exactly respond. The thoughtful look on his face just deepened and became more serious.

“I'm glad you woke me up.” That was all he said about it.

Xigbar just continued to watch him. If nothing else, he enjoyed the quiet moment they were having. It made him realize just how different Demyx was when they were alone together. Perhaps he felt less pressure to perform when he only had one person as his audience. That was relatable...

“Hey. You don't really believe what Xemnas told everybody about us having no emotions, right?”

“'Course not,” he said. “Cuz being with you definitely makes me feel something~”

Ugh, it was no use... A response like that still left Xigbar with questions.

But...

“Bein' with me, huh?”

Demyx nodded emphatically, smiling a big smile.

“Everybody else thinks I'm just weird and creepy and annoying...”

“Well, they're right--”

“H-hey~!”

“--But I don't think that makes you a bad guy.”

For a second, his playful pout became something identifiably effortless and vulnerable, like he was touched by a glimmer of some real emotion. Although there was something painful about it, Xigbar thought it was one of the nicest looks he'd ever seen on him. In a strange way, it was nicer than a smile.

Ducking his head, Demyx hid his face against Xigbar's chest. “Oh yeah? Well, what if I was the weirdest, creepiest, most annoying guy in the world...?”

Xigbar answered automatically.

“I guess I'd have no choice but to fall in love with you.”

“Huh?” He pushed himself up a little and lazily laid half across Xigbar's chest. “Now you're just saying nonsense.”

“What? You think I'd put up with you if you weren't my type?”

“Eheheh... I guess that must be true.” He stared off into the distance with a dumb smile until his eyes widened, suddenly in surprise as the meaning of Xigbar's words hit him. “Eh? Wait. You like me?”

“Wasn't that obvious?”

“I-I don't know! I'm just a Nobody, y'know... Feelings are confusing and stuff~”

Xigbar laughed and shook his head. He was as dense as they came.

It would've been nice if they could've stayed there. That place and that moment felt special. It was rare that Xigbar felt like taking his time instead of impatiently rushing in a hurry to see the promised ending. Demyx reminded him of what it felt like to enjoy the moment without hurry – what it felt like to live as if the world weren't going to end, or... Perhaps, in spite of its inevitability.

He got the feeling that if he told Demyx about what the Book foretold, of course, he would've yelled like an idiot, but... He wouldn't have cried about it. He would've probably kept on going as his usual self, unaffected. Nothing could rain on his parade.

Demyx was the one who sat up first.

He sighed. “Better get going... Don't want Saïx to hit me with his claymore again. That thing smarts. What am I gonna do about the mission report, though...? Uh, do I just say that I helped? I mean, I was here. I provided moral support, didn't I~?”

“Something like that.” Xigbar chuckled as he stood up. “Make up whatever you want. I'm not gonna tattle on you.”

As Demyx moved to get up, something made him stop and look back. “Hm?” He stayed crouching, his eyes scanning the bed of clovers he'd been laying on. He frowned at all the flattened pieces, then ultimately reached out and plucked a fresh one that was still standing upright. Then he kept picking and picking until he had a whole handful of them.

With a smile, he returned to his feet and bounced over to Xigbar.

“Hold out your hand~”

Xigbar did as instructed and Demyx placed one four-leaf clover in the middle of his palm.

“They're good luck, right? I heard somewhere that they're also a symbol of protection. So, like...” He grabbed Xigbar by one of his coat pockets and shoved the handful of clovers inside. “There you go! I know I'm not very helpful on missions... So I think you should have something like this to keep you safe. A whole handful oughta do the trick~”

At a loss for words, Xigbar stared at the clover in his hand as Demyx happily continued to ramble.

“They're fragile but strong! Did you know that clovers grow faster when they're stepped on? ...Actually, I don't know if that's true, but I like how it sounds. Kinda inspiring, don'cha think? I mean, they're weeds, but weeds are strong because they know how to survive!”

Clovers would wither, die, and turn to dust.

The clover he held on to for so long was gone. From everywhere but his memory, time had erased every last trace of its existence.

But clovers knew how to survive.

So even if that precious clover from back then was lost, there would always be another, stubbornly growing in some other corner of the universe.

There would always be a new one.

Demyx was still talking, pacing back and forth while gesturing animatedly. Xigbar's vision started to blur. Like trying to watch the world underwater through the churning waves of the sea, the shape of the figure in front of him seemed to change and become distorted, shifting until his silhouette nearly aligned itself with a memory.

“Hey.” Demyx was close again. Hands on his hips, he cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow, giving him a confused look. “Are you gonna cry or something?”

Ah–

Turning his head to the side, Xigbar rubbed the back of his wrist over his eye and hoped that he wasn't tearing up too much under his eyepatch.

“As if,” he muttered. “I'm just a Nobody, y'know... Can't control my emotions or whatever.”

“Ohhhhhhh... I seeee...,” Demyx said, nodding to himself. “Well, get it together! You can't RTC looking like that~ You wanna look intimidating, right? They won't be scared of you anymore if they see you looking all teary-eyed!”

After giving him an encouraging pat on the back, Demyx opened a corridor and started heading back.

As he watched him go, Xigbar couldn't help but wonder who he looked like to Demyx.


End file.
